Life had really thrown us some curveballs lately in the form of some financial roadblocks (of our own making maybe, but still) health crises, and just a serious lack of time + sleep deprivation. Being a parent is hard, didn't they tell you? But there's so much joy in the hard (SO MUCH JOY!) I'm a firm believer in life coming in waves - they crash down showing you how good the good times are, and how bad the bad times are. Eventually it all adds up to a lot of beauty, but you have to come to the surface to see it sometimes, you know?
Friends, I think we have broken through to the surface - come out on top into that warm spring sunshine place, where the days are longer and the flowers start blooming. See, all the "ick" we wade through has shown me how to really pay attention to the good stuff. The potential of something happening to my baby rattled me to my core, but it taught me to put my damn iPhone down when I'm feeding her and pay attention. To how she twiddles her fingers in her shirt hem, and what she looks around at distractedly. To take joy in those 4 am feedings when she's heavy in my arms after filling up her little tank, and feel that deep satisfying weight of a baby just on the precipice of no longer being a baby, but a toddler.
I'm scooting closer to my husband on the couch during our weekend Netflix marathons, and holding his hand while we go on after dinner walks once the baby falls asleep in her sling, talking about the houses we'll never buy and the newly blooming daffodils we've been desperate to spot for months.
On a much less serious note, I'm finding some joy in getting dressed and ready again - I was so sick of my winter clothes, a half jumbled closet mess of things that fit me when I was losing the baby weight and things that sort of fit now, but not in the way you need them to fit while breastfeeding if you know what I mean...
There's a little more color in my skin, my hair finally getting long again, a loose tank top and light cardigan sweater with the most perfectly perfect jeans I've ever found. Some delicate jewelry with Claire's name in cursive now that she's finally old enough to understand the word no, regardless of how many times I've got to repeat it - usually upwards of 20. Some coral lipstick and braided hair, moving forward into the season where we all feel the most alive.
I'm looking forward to outdoor yoga again, feeling the sun hit my face when I raise my arms up in salutation, and remembering what it feels like to really be in my body (and work on improving it, because swimsuit season and weekends at the lake aren't far off - although one-pieces are the suit of the season! huzzah!) Soon we will eat dinner on the patio, I'll start picking up bottles of rose wine and bundles of peonies & ranunculus at Trader Joe's. I'm going to start reading again, don't laugh, I really am!!! Something that isn't a parenting book maybe? I've heard good things about this one?
So okay dreamers, have a good week. Take stock of all the good in your life. Do some spring cleaning. Hold your babies for their naps. Buy some flowers - that's an order!
And in case you need a little Friday distraction, here are a few of my favorite links lately:
Why "bro country" is offensive and "Girl in a Country Song" is genius. I have to admit, country is almost worse than rap lately as far as misogyny goes.
How to make vegetarian dishes *pop* with umami flavor.
Completely obsessed
with this shop's bonnets for summertime.
I've heard amazing things
about this book and am hoping to start it this weekend.
This is
a genius product - need it!
So obsessed with
these sandals from Madewell (although admittedly waiting for them to go on sale, because yikes!)
