more life, less stuff

"tap tap"
Is this thing on?  

I missed this space and wasn't really sure how to jump back into blogging after such a long silence.  Life has changed so much - I stepped away from this blog when Claire was just barely three and now she's 4.5 so, it's been a while.  I also chopped all my hair off and dyed it red!  I got my nose pierced!  And a little over three months ago, I quit drinking alcohol (for good).  

So much of my life has been focused on improving myself, my family, and my environment by adding something to it (a new meditation routine, updated skincare, a new dress, a new hobby) that I think sometimes I've gotten caught up in not living my life as it is.  It's not an uncommon refrain - do you know how many copies have sold of "The Power of Now?"  3 million in just North America!!! 

(Great book by the way.  I highly recommend.  You can find it here.)

When I quit drinking, I was prompted to make that decision by something posted by a blogger and writer I follow named Holly Whittaker.  She runs a recovery compendium and website called The Temper, and I was following her looooong (two years!!!) before I actually decided to go and get sober.  I think there's always been a part of me that knew that alcohol was keeping me from living my best life.  Let's just say her and I have a lot in common.  A LOT.  

On her blog she had written what she called the "hip sobriety manifesto" and although the entire thing resonated with me, there's something specific that I've been thinking about more deeply lately.  She writes: 

"The only questions you need to ask are whether drinking alcohol is getting in the way of your dreams in this one life you have been given, and how much longer you're willing to settle for that."

My answer to that question was unequivocally YES, and not much longer.

But what if I replaced "drinking alcohol" with "eating sugar."

or "consuming animal products"

or "being in debt" 

or "letting my anxiety drive my decision making?"  

So much of what I wanted in life was on the other side of alcohol - a better marriage, more confidence in my mothering abilities, less anxiety, better sleep, more motivation at work, less stress about my weight, better skin, reading more, you name it.  This in turn of course has made me wonder;  

What's on the other side of my compulsive shopping? 

What's on the other side of my addiction to caffeine and sugar?  

What can I cut out of my life to add more to it?  

There are still a lot of things I'm settling for, because it just seems scary to deal with them; they're coping mechanisms I've built up so that I don't have to 100% show up to deal with my life, day in day out, and I don't know if it's because I've just turned 30 or if it's because I've seen my life transform in ways I never imagined it could since getting sober and I'm curious to see how magical this existence can get, but I feel (somewhat) ready to take them on.  

Stay tuned for project #1.