Claire's Sleep Secrets

Since Claire has been born, we've been extremely fortunate to have her on a pretty great sleeping routine.  She basically was sleeping at least one four hour stretch from birth, and that + naps meant that Darrell & I have mostly always been able to get enough sleep to function.  Rested parents = good parents, in my mind.  Although I COULD just say that "we're so lucky" (and of course, I do believe that is a part of it) I've had more than one person ask me what we did to get her sleeping through the night be now, so I thought I would share some of what worked for us!  Read on for the things I think have really made a difference.*  

See those little half open eyes!  

1.  Putting baby down when awake.  

This is something that we've done since Claire was born, so if your kid is already used to being rocked......this is probably a useless tip.  We started putting Claire down in her crib awake when she was a newborn, because they are SO sleepy then that they fall asleep on their own a tad easier.  They might make a little noise, fuss a bit (this is not full on crying) but let them go.  Claire almost always fell asleep on her own without fully breaking into a cry, because like I said, newborns are super sleepy.  I know it's going to be really tempting to let your teeny, precious newborn fall asleep in your arms every time, but try to resist.  It'll create a better bedtime habit for the future.  Now Claire goes down for bed every night when she gets tired (sometime between 8-9:30) on her own.  

2.  Swaddle, and when that stops working, Magic Sleepsuit.  

Claire LOVED being swaddled from birth - in fact, the first two months of her life she didn't really like to be unswaddled at all, which means I have very few pictures of the cute clothes she wore during that time.  I firmly believe that swaddling helped her to sleep for longer stretches because she wasn't startling herself awake, so she only woke up when truly hungry.  Unfortunately, around 2 months old she started breaking out of her swaddle, and then we started to have a little sleep regression.  Re-swaddling a baby at 2 am is not so easy, especially when your eyes are barely open.  I got in touch with the Magic Sleepsuit people around this time and they sent us one to try.  It was instant love.  I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say it's "magic" (maybe it is for some people, I just don't want to make that claim because Claire was already sleeping well) but it definitely works wonderfully as a swaddle transition.  It got Claire sleeping through the night again, and she can't roll over in it because it's so fluffy, so I don't have to be stressed about her sleeping on her tummy.  Some naysayers think that much fabric will make baby too hot, but I can honestly say we've never had that issue, Claire's hands and feet are always quite cool when we get her in the morning.  

3.  If baby is having a bad night, don't be too proud to co-sleep.  

This is SUCH a personal preference and I realize this advice may be controversial, but some nights you just have to cave and let the baby come into your bed.  Claire is sometimes just in need of some closeness, or maybe more frequent nursing, and at that point it's just easier to let her come into bed with us.  We always start Claire off in her crib, but there are of course the random nights that she wakes up at 1, 3, 4:30, etc, and at that point the important thing is really just that everyone gets some sleep.  This advice is connected to my next point: 

4.  Follow baby's cues.  

This might sound insane, but babies are actually pretty smart.  A few anecdotes to prove it:

  Claire was sleeping through the night (8 hours) at about 2 months old.  She did this on her own - no cry it out, she just stopped needing a night feeding.  I figured out that she didn't need that feeding by popping a pacifier into her mouth at 2 am when she normally woke up instead of nursing her, and what do you know, she just started sleeping right through that time.  Then about 2 weeks later, she stopped.  She started needing that pacifier replaced at 3 am, 4:30 am, 6 am, etc.  I was about to lose it - convinced we had sabotaged ourselves by every starting her on the pacifier, we even resorted to trying to let her cry through it, which didn't work at all.  Then, she just stopped.  Started sleeping through the night again no problem.  

A few weeks after that, she started waking up at 4:30 am wanting to eat - nothing else would put her back to sleep.  I was annoyed, because she had dropped her night feeding a month before and now she wanted it again?  What?  But after only a few nights of this, she started sleeping through the night once more.  She just needed an extra feeding for a week or so, to do a little extra growing, and that's fine!  Honestly, it takes 10 minutes to feed her, and she's right back out.  No big deal.  

Currently she's sleeping through the night, but if she has a little regression again I will be choosing to just follow her cues.  She almost always gets over it, and going with her flow has proven to be MUCH easier than attempting to force her back to an uninterrupted night's sleep.  

5.  The Pause.  

When Claire wakes up at night, we wait a minute before picking her up.  This is not cry it out - I'm talking maybe 5 minutes of waiting - but it's an important technique.  We've done this with her since birth (more like 2 minutes when she was a newborn.)  If you pick baby up right when they whimper, I really believe they'll never learn to self-soothe.  Why would they - they've been trained to need you to do it for them!  I would say about 50% of the time, Claire goes back to sleep on her own.  Beyond 5 minutes though, if baby is under 6 months, you can consider any reason they're crying a "need" not a "want," and go pick them up.  

6.  Ignore the things that don't work!  

I cannot tell you how many people have given us the crazy advice of "keep the baby awake, they'll sleep better at night!"  This is just NOT TRUE.  It might be true for a toddler or older baby, but it's definitely not true for an infant.  All this will do is give you a baby that's overtired, and overtired is BAD BAD BAD.  Overtired babies are much harder to get to sleep and beyond cranky.  If an infant needs a nap at 6 pm, and bedtime is at 8:30, do not interrupt the nap.  I repeat: do not interrupt the nap.  As a testimony to this, Claire took a nap from 5-7 last night and then fell asleep at 8:30 pm and slept  until 8:30 this morning.  

*Disclaimer - ALL BABIES ARE NOT ALIKE.  Maybe some, maybe NONE of this will work for your baby.  Maybe your baby needs to cry it out.  Maybe your baby needs to sleep in bed with you full time.  Whatever you do, I place no judgement on where or how your kid sleeps - as long as your family is getting rest, that's all that's important!

Also, we were given a Magic Sleepsuit to try for free, but this post isn't "sponsored."  We actually loved it so much that we went out and bought extras on our own.  

have baby, will travel

at an outdoor concert

When you're about to have a baby, you suddenly become a target for lots of well-meaning advice.  Lots of people wanted to share their favorite brand of bottles, the way they got their child to sleep, which parenting book they found the most useful.  I took all this in with a smile and a nod, mostly gathering advice I found useful (and in line with my personal philosophies) from blogs I had read for years, especially since only a couple of my close friends already have children.  

at a restaurant (with my glass of wine...)

Perhaps my least favorite things to hear were "get in all the sleep you can now" and "enjoy ___ while you can!"  I understand that it was well meaning, but it seemed wholly unnecessary.  I mean, at that point I was obviously having a baby either way!  No turning back!  Although there's no way to prepare parents for the blow their sleep tally will take, I can honestly say that it was not nearly as bad as folks made it out to be.  I think we had just been so intensely terrified by the warning-wishers that I was expecting the worst, but I sleep enough and certainly more than I expected to.  The thing I hate about those sort of statements is, there's no hope or light in them.  They imply that whenever you have a baby you're losing something, and that just isn't true.  

at brunch with some of my girlfriends

Before Claire was born, I would see my friends with kids leave a party early to go home to their baby and think "wow, they must really be sad they can't stay."  Now I know that nothing is further from the truth.  When I have to leave a party to go home to Claire, I am PSYCHED.  By that point I'm usually missing her anyways, wishing I was sitting in her nursery watching her sleep (really.)  My mom always gave the advice to "not have a baby until all I wanted to do was have a baby."  I absolutely did that, and now I never feel an ounce of regret when I "have" to stay home with my baby on a Saturday night.  

at a craft festival downtown

Here's the thing about that though - I rarely have to.  I don't like leaving Claire, at all.  I actually looked forward to this past weekend more than any weekend in a long time, because I didn't have any plans that required me to leave Claire with a babysitter, or a family member, or even just Darrell.  I got to hang out with her and take her with me to every outing we had all weekend, and it was wonderful.  We take Claire to concerts, to restaurants, out shopping, on long walks, pretty much anywhere you'd want to go on a weekend.  There are very few places that you really shouldn't take a baby, and the bottom line is that I don't really care about going to those places anymore.  If I wanted to be in a bar on a Saturday night at 1 am every weekend or see movies in the theater rather than waiting for them to come out on iTunes,  I wouldn't have had a baby.  We go to restaurants for dinner in the early evening hours and Claire naps well in the sling, and rarely cries.  If she does, we leave.  No big deal.  I nurse Claire whenever and wherever she wants to eat, and no one has ever said a thing to me - and if they did, you better believe I have a nice little speech prepared for them to hear.  

eating lunch at blueberry hill

Maybe I'm fortunate to have a sociable baby, but I can honestly say though that if anything, I enjoy every single aspect of my life now even more than I did before.  Our other friends with a baby brought their baby with them everywhere we went, and as a result, she's great at going on outings.  We wanted that to be the case with Claire as well.  Of all the crazy advice we've received, some of the best I've ever heard is "familiarity breeds fondness" with babies (except maybe, in the case of carseats).  If we keep going at the rate we are, Claire's favorite things will end up being

 

fancy food, local boutiques, and large music festivals.  

awkward & awesome tuesday + claire's second month

Awkward: 

My new standards for "how dirty is too dirty" to wear a dress.  Last week, Claire actually managed to poop on the dress I was wearing, and rather than change I just wiped it down and declared it fit for the office.  

Getting to a party with the baby only to realize the one of us forgot to pack breast milk, thus limiting my ability to actually enjoy any adult beverages.  In case you're wondering, yes, I did send Darrell home to get it.  9 months of playing DD gets you privileges like that.  

Said party happened to be on the day Claire got shots (which may have been the reason I so badly wanted a drink) and let me just say that it may have been ill-advised to attend with her.  She broke out into an all out screaming session in the middle of the party, but thankfully setting her up in the sling was enough to calm her down.  

While taking photos for an upcoming outfit post, my only instruction to Darrell was "can you try and make me look like I didn't just have a baby 10 weeks ago?"  

Awesome:  

Claire slept through the night for TEN HOURS one night this weekend.  I am sharing secrets soon, I promise.  Of course, everything we're doing could be a complete fluke and we are just very blessed, but I figure if I have a formula for newborn sleep I may as well spread the word.  

The camaraderie shown by St. Louisans in the wake of the Michael Brown tragedy.  Yes, horrible things are happening in our city, but amazing things are happening too.  Like people I know heading to Ferguson to hand out water and ponchos to protestors & residents of Ferguson standing guard in front of stores that looters were attempting to wreck.  There's a palpable tension in the city, but there's a feeling of compassion as well, like we're all in this together and it's our job to start breaking these walls down.  

Claire's newfound love for the play gym we bought weeks ago.  She can stare and chat with her toy "friends" for almost an hour, making noises she never makes any other time.  The other day I think I discovered why they call it coo-ing; she literally made a noise that sounded akin to what a dove sings.  No one will probably care to watch this but my grandmother, but here's a little video of her conversation with Mr. Monkey: 

Jumping back into running - I may only be on week three of couch to 5K, but it feels SO good to just be out there again.  Also, our doctor cleared Claire to go with me in the jogging stroller which means that I can go in the morning again even when Darrell isn't around to watch her.  So much more freedom in my schedule!  

what type of parent are you?

So, I feel a little odd about my parenting style so far.  When you have kids (if you had kids, or if you’re thinking about it) all of sudden there is the big question: what kind of a parent will you be?  Attachment?  Authoritative?  French?  Helicopter?  Tiger Mom?  Intuitive?  Baby Led?  Seriously, those are all parenting styles.  It’s a little insane - and there’s no conclusive research that says “this one makes the best baby” because no two babies are the same!

I read SO many books about parenting when I was pregnant, and I have three favorites:

Baby Wise

Bringing Up Bebe

The Kind Mama

Here’s the funny thing about those being my favorites - they’re not at all similar to one another.  There are things I love and hate in each book, so I thought I would share a little bit about each, and what we’re pulling from each philosophy.

Baby Wise 

Baby Wise focuses a lot on the scheduling of children.  It encourages child led feeding and sleeping for the first few weeks, and then gently nudging baby onto a schedule.  Here’s the thing….I feel like a very observant mother, and I feed Claire on demand most of the time, but she still isn’t on much of a schedule.  In fact, I use an app to track my nursing and her feedings are pretty erratic.  In general, about 3-4 hours apart, but sometimes 2.

What I do like?  It encourages you to let you baby learn to fall asleep on her own.  The author pushes a baby schedule of sleep, feed, wake.  What this means is that you don’t nurse baby to sleep, you let baby learn to fall asleep on her own by putting her to bed awake.  It sounds very strange to parents who do the dance of feed, rock to sleep, place baby genttttttttly in the crib, pray they don’t wake up on impact, repeat x10 until it works.  We have never done that, not since the day Claire was born (knock on wood!!) and now have a nice system where Claire will go to bed sometime between 8:30 - 10:30 (like I said, she’s not on much of a schedule) and calm herself to sleep for the night.  I also try to let her take at least one nap each day where she falls asleep on her own, be it in the stroller or her crib.

Bringing Up Bebe 

This is probably my favorite parenting book by far.  I’m only going to speak to the baby portion of the book, because I obviously haven’t tried any of the toddler techniques.

Probably the most important technique in Bringing Up Bebe is learning to do “The Pause.”  In case you didn’t know, most French babies sleep through the night (8 hours) by 4 months old.  Sounds like a dream, right?  We’re not there yet of course, Claire is only 1.5 months.  But, we do practice the pause.  I don’t get up to respond to Claire at every whimper - in fact, I wait until she’s actually crying.  First of all, if she isn’t properly awake, she won’t eat well!  Second of all, if I do, I’m robbing her of the chance to learn how to soothe herself.  French parents believe a baby should be able to be alone & happy in their crib, and that doing such is a skill.  In fact, I believe that babies NEED that sometimes after doing it myself!  One morning, Claire was fussy no matter what I did - she’d been fed, I’d swaddled her, unswaddled her, put her in the swing, changed her diaper, and rocked/bounced her.  Nothing was working!  So I laid her in her crib and walked away.  She fussed for a second, and then went silent.  When I peeked in a few moments later, she was silently staring at the wall, and shortly afterwards fell asleep.  She just needed a moment alone!  So now I try to practice that every day, usually for her afternoon nap.  I lay her down, awake, maybe with a pacifier and let her work it out by herself.  This is NOT TO SAY that I let her cry it out, I don’t.  I’ve never let her cry (full on CRY) for longer than 5 minutes.  That’s never worked anyways - when Claire is full on wailing, she needs something.  But there’s a distinct difference between the cry of a lonely baby and a hungry/needy baby - Claire makes a “nyah” sound when she really needs something, and a “wah” sound otherwise.  I would never have noticed the difference between these two cries had I not started doing the pause, and I’m willing to bet other babies have separate cries for these reasons as well.  And as for how it's affecting her ability to sleep, she's recently begun going about 6 hours at her longest stretch at night, and we're thrilled with that.  

The main principle of Bringing Up Bebe is that the French teach their children patience, and that children who are able to practice patience are able to be happier.  I really believe that to be true, and the author backs it up with scientific evidence.  Have you ever heard of the marshmallow experiment?  Chances are if you took Intro to Psychology in college, you have.  

Essentially, a study was done on children's patience using marshmallows (or pretzels or chocolate, child's choice) as motivation at Stanford in the late 1960s.  About 600 kids ages 4-6 were presented with a marshmallow in a room, and told that if they ate the marshmallow immediately, that would be their only one.  If they could wait 15 minutes to eat it, they would receive a second marshmallow.  Most of the children failed to wait - only 1/3 made it, mostly the older children.  In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index, and other life measures.  

What I don’t like about Bringing Up Bebe?  Well, it doesn’t discuss breast-feeding as a priority very often, but that’s pretty much it!  I basically thought that every other aspect of the book was dead-on.

The Kind Mama 

(Attachment Parenting)

I’ll probably get a lot of flack for promoting this book, so let me get out of the way what I DON’T like about it:

I will vaccinate Claire, and it bothers me that Silverstone suggests you shouldn’t and that you shouldn’t take your child to the doctor unless they’re very sick.  I will take Claire to each and every suggested check-up.

I do not practice elimination communication - we use Honest organic diapers, and I love them.  

She's strongly advocates having a natural home birth.  I have no real issues with home birthing, if you're close to a hospital and have a low risk pregnancy and a midwife attending.  HOWEVER, she tells her birth story in the book, and at the end she's forced to go to a hospital (while crowning) because her baby won't descend and needed medical intervention to be born safely.  After all that, she still pushes for natural home birth, even though the unthinkable could have happened had her own son not been born at a hospital.  As I said in our birth story, I was induced with Claire and had an epidural, and I wouldn't change a thing.  I don't like it when books are pushy with what they think is the "right" way to have a baby.

I don’t eat a vegan diet, although I am pescatarian.  I do believe that loading up a breastfeeding mother’s diet with the best possible foods will make better eaters in the long run, and I don’t believe eating meat is a part of that.

Phew!  So lots of things.

What I do like:

Silverstone goes in-depth about the importance of breastfeeding and how to troubleshoot any problems you’re having with it.  I strongly believe in the importance of breastfeeding, and I plan to do it with Claire….well, I’m not entirely sure how long.*  I can’t say I’d be surprised if we breastfeed until she’s 2, and although that seems strange to Americans, it's actually recommended.  In fact: "the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) reaffirms its recommendation of exclusive breastfeeding for about the first six months of a baby's life, followed by breastfeeding in combination with the introduction of complementary foods until at least 12 months of age, and continuation of breastfeeding for as long as mutually desired by mother and baby."  And okay, the mother on the cover of Time may have taken it a bit far, but I think it's time we drop the notion that breastfeeding a baby beyond a year old is weird......because it's just not.  

*I do want to note that this book is a bit militant about its recommendation to breastfeed, and could make some women who have trouble with it feel a bit bad about themselves.  I understand that it isn't possible for every mother and child, is sometimes very difficult, and I strongly believe that a happy mother makes a good mother.  If breastfeeding doesn't or didn't make you happy and you fed your baby formula, more power to you.  

Co-Sleeping. Claire sleeps in her crib each night from her “bedtime” until about 5 or 6 am, but after that she comes into bed with me.  I can’t say I see myself stopping this practice, I really enjoy having her in bed with me, and she sleeps much later in the morning if we do this.  Even if I get up and leave her there, she’s more likely to sleep in if she’s in our bed.  Cuddling with Claire in the morning is probably my favorite time of day,  and hers as well.  She actually smiled for the first time one morning laying next to me, and it's where she's smiled the most ever since.  The Kind Mama advocates full time co-sleeping, and although we don't practice that, I can't say that I hate the idea.  The media demonizes it because of some horrifying stories, but studies actually show that when a breastfeeding (non-smoking) mother and child sleep next to one another with very light bedding and baby's face away from the pillows, & with ZERO drugs or alcohol involved co-sleeping is safe and actually promotes healthier sleep for everyone involved.

Baby-wearing: It's been well-documented on this blog, I adore babywearing.  I think that so far, it has been a tremendous source of comfort for Claire, and has also enabled her to have the confidence to fall asleep on her own.  It allows us to really experience the world together - she can see nature from my vantage point, rather than from on her back on a stroller - and she's quickly calmed by the motion of my walking.  It keeps her from being overstimulated, a common problem that causes fussy babies.  Claire usually takes one nap each day laying on my chest in the sling, and there's just nothing better than that.  We can bond, even while I'm reaching around her to my laptop keyboard.  Baby carriers provide an easy way to breastfeed discreetly in public, which is fantastic if you're modest.  Claire also gets stressed out if she's passed around too much, especially with strangers, so if I have her in the sling it's easy for me to say "oh, it's kind of a pain to take her out, sorry!"  The Kind Mama goes even more in depth about the benefits of baby-wearing, and although attachment parenting advocates wearing your baby pretty much all the time, I don't take it quite that far.  In fact, as I said, Claire sometimes WANTS to be laid down by herself.  But I attribute that independence to the confidence she's gained from my being responsive to her and keeping her close much of the rest of the time, and that is a principle of attachment parenting - responsiveness to a real need breeds confidence in a child.  

So, those are the main things I've chosen to run with from the books I've read!  I guess that makes me a French/BabyWise/Attachment Parent?  That's probably the most ridiculous descriptor of a parenting style I've ever heard.  

Did any of you read these books?  Did you have other favorites?  I'd love to hear which parenting style or styles you most identified with!  

If you'd like to join the discussion, please leave a comment or follow me on....

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awkward and awesome tuesday

Awkward: 

Um, getting pooped on.  Yeah, on Thursday morning I had just finished feeding Claire, and propped her up on my thighs to play a little bit.  All of a sudden, I feel something warm and…..wet.  Cue running to the nursery in a frenzy all while trying to not spread the poop on the way.  Somehow she managed to do the same thing that afternoon!  I think I might need to be more careful with my diaper application.  

You know what's worse than pregnancy brain?  Mom brain.  I cannot even tell you the number of times this week that I walked into a room and just had no clue what I was in there for.  

My spatial awareness is at an all time low after being at my smallest size ever 11 months ago, then getting pregnant and rather large, and now being somewhere in between.  This resulted in my walking INTO A DOOR HANDLE at my office Wednesday, which then caught on my shirt and put a rather large hole right through it.  Buh-bye, shirt that actually looked cute on my postpartum body.  

Awesome: 

This gummy smile - Claire really started smiling this week, and there's just nothing better.  

Going back to work.  I’d like to preface this by saying that I have what I believe to be the best childcare situation of all time (a combination of friends I’ve known since childhood/grandparents/aunts) but when my boss asked how my first day back had been at the end of the day, I had to be honest and tell her that it sort of felt like a break.  Being a mom is HARD you guys.  It’s the best hard thing in the world, but so is my job!  I LOVE my job. So it was really nice to jump back in this past week and see that I could do both.  I’m sure there will be days when that isn’t the case - days when I just think I can’t keep up and I wonder when our house will ever be clean again, but hey - maybe not!  Our house (apartment) is pretty dang small.

Working at home with Claire on Thursdays.  I know this will not last long (she wants to play a little more each day!) but right now her naps pretty much span the morning and afternoon each day, making it easy for me to get in work & feedings around when she sleeps.

Simple dinners.  Summer produce makes this so easy, right now our menu is basically just a fish + a vegetable (okay, plus some rosé) every single night! 

The smell of the top of Claire's head.  I swear, those baby fumes actually get me high.  

*on another note!  I'm interested in creating more engagement with my readers (I want to hear from you!) and I know that commenting on the posts isn't always the best place to have a conversation.  So!  

At the end of each post for the next few weeks I'll be leaving links to my Instagram, Facebook, & Twitter at the bottom of each post to encourage you to tell me what you think about my posts, ask questions, etc.  This will be especially great in regards to what I'm talking about tomorrow....parenting styles.....dun dun dun.  

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essentials for the first month: mama + baby

*All items listed are mostly pictured left to right, top to bottom.  

1 - A good collection of nursing bras.  This is probably the number one thing any nursing mother will need - but here's the real tip: you don't actually have to buy nursing bras.  I have a few, and I wear them (this Le Mystere is my very favorite) but did you know that Nordstrom will convert any bra you already own into a nursing bra?  They do an amazing job, you cannot tell that it wasn't originally a nursing bra, and it's only $15. I had been wearing this bra until the end of my pregnancy, and I've had three of them converted so far.  

2 - A diaper bag you can share with your husband.  Maybe it's the feminist in me, but there should be more unisex diaper bags, right?  I mean, my husband does have to diaper this baby sometimes, and I'm not always the one carrying her things.  This is his very favorite.  

3 - A Sakura Bloom sling.  I can't speak to the quality of any other types of baby carriers, but we have only used the Sakura Bloom sling so far, and I adore it.  Claire will almost instantly fall asleep in it, I can use both my hands when wearing her, and when she just doesn't want to be put down it is the only way I can get anything done.  We bought their least expensive version, but I've got my eye on this one because we really need a second, especially for when one is in the wash.  

4 - Safe to Sleep mat.  This is definitely one of the pricier items on my list, but we have really loved it.  It takes the place of a baby monitor.  The baby sleeps on the mat, and its very sensitive sensors monitor baby's breathing.  No running into the nursery over and over to make sure that baby is breathing (which I would totally do if we didn't have this).  There's a remote that you keep with you, and it sets off an alarm if the breathing is too fast or slow, or if the baby leaves the mat.  It also works as an audio monitor, but here's the best part: the audio only comes on if the baby's cries get above a certain decibel.  So we aren't awoken by every grunt or coo, only by actual crying.  You can also talk to baby through the remote to soothe them. The one downside?  The app that you can supposedly connect to the mat doesn't work very well at all - we could never get it to function properly, and Darrell is pretty tech savvy!   

5 - The Miracle Blanket.  Claire is a baby houdini, and she completely destroys a regular swaddle within minutes. The thing is, she WANTS to be swaddled.  This is the only thing that has keep her wrapped up so far.  

6 - Target Basics Nursing Tank.  For the first few days after Claire was born this nursing tank with yoga pants was all I wore.  I layered it under loose dresses and tees in place of a bra until my milk came in, and I wouldn't know what size nursing bra to buy.  Now I wear it as a layering piece any time I wear a top and jeans, because then I don't need the top to have a nursing friendly neckline.  At the ballgame the other night, I just pulled up my t-shirt, undid the clasp on my nursing tank & bra, and was able to feed Claire discreetly between the folds of fabric.  

7 - 4moms Mamaroo & Breeze.  Claire has recently entered the rather difficult phase of "never ever ever put me down!!"  Most of the time I just wear her, but for times I can't (showers, anyone?) the Mamaroo will usually buy me 20 minutes or so.  The Breeze has a bassinet top, and that's what Claire slept in for the first three weeks - she was so small that I wasn't comfortable having her far away from us in the nursery, and I think being near her helped us foster a good nursing relationship.  Now she sleeps in her crib, but we'll be using the Breeze when we travel.  

8 - Sonnet James dresses.  I have lived in these dresses since I got them, both pregnant and postpartum.  They stretched well to accommodate the bump, are comfortable and flattering now, and the necklines stretch and bounce right back for nursing on the go.  Darrell never fails to compliment me when I'm wearing one.  You can still preorder for the summer shipment in a few weeks!  

9 - Breastfeeding Kit - nursing pillow, Kindle loaded up with books, a new Netflix series, a cup with a straw, handheld food.  Nursing in the first few weeks is amazing, such a great bonding experience......and sometimes boring.  You are going to spend a lot (A LOT!) of time parked on the couch with your nursing pillow, oftentimes using one hand to eat, drink, and entertain yourself.  I watched Netflix during the day, but at night I don't like how the noise wakes up Darrell, so I read on my Kindle app.  Say what you want about moms being alone on night duty, but he can't breastfeed and a rested husband is worth a lot more to me than someone as equally exhausted as I am.  I also get incredibly thirsty when nursing, so I like to have a cup with a straw - like the one they give you at the hospital - and some granola bars or bagels handy.  I like the boppy pillow, and definitely get a second cover.  Breastmilk gets on everything.  Pottery Barn has had the softest covers I've found.  

10 - Burp cloths and baskets for burp cloths.  Did I mention that breastmilk will be on everything you own?  Have a stash of burp cloths in every room.  The Gerber cloth diapers make fantastic burp cloths, trust me.  

11 - White onesies and long sleeved pajamas.  As much as I love all the beautiful clothes I have for Claire, there are only so many diaper blowouts I'm willing to go through before I declare it a white onesie day.  These are cheap, you don't care if they get so stained they're ruined, and I still think there isn't anything cuter than a baby in a white onesie.  As for the long sleeved pajamas, well the fabric friction between sleeves and swaddle keeps Claire from breaking free.  

12 - Spanx & Belly Bandit.  There's nothing like Spanx to smooth everything out underneath your clothes, they make a huge difference.  As for the Belly Bandit, I'm not sure I can attest to it flattening out my stomach any faster - breastfeeding does that on its own - but it made for wonderful support under my clothes in the first couple of weeks when everything just felt really, unfortunately loose.  

13 - Lululemon Wunder Unders, Forever 21 tees & jeans.  Wunder Unders are a year round must have for me - I wear them running, to yoga, and just about everywhere.  They're the thickest and most slimming leggings I've ever found, and they do wonders for the post baby body.  Until jeans will fit (no really, they just won't for the first few weeks.  Your waist and legs will be just TOOOOOO far apart in sizing) leggings are the best option.  But leggings as pants?  Not always so great.  These are the only ones that will work.  Wear them with the thin & cheap $4 Forever 21 tees, and then switch to Forever 21 jeans for transition.  They look great and almost always cost less than $20.  

14 - Breast Pump.  I didn't start using this until my 2nd week, but having a stockpile of extra milk is pretty much the greatest thing ever.  You don't want to depend on bottles too much - your supply will go down the more feedings you skip - but being able to run errands and leave the baby with Darrell knowing that she won't go hungry and cry the entire time I'm gone is pretty great.  Mine was completely free through my insurance, so definitely look into that!  

15 - Honest diapers, nipple balm, lotion.  It's no secret that I love the Honest Company, and we're using them for basically everything baby.  Their diapers are the best at holding in major messes so far, I found the nipple cream (I know, maybe TMI, but you need it) really effective, and the lotion has all but cleared up Claire's cradle cap.  I use a lot more of their products....okay, almost all of them, but these are probably my top three.  

16 - Puj tub.  We have a teeny apartment, with a matching teeny sink, and this tub is easily stored, folded, and very soft for Claire to sit in.    

17 - Soothies Pacifiers.  Claire + the carseat = not such a great equation.  Claire + the carseat + one of these pacifiers = a long nap.  

18 - Wine & coffee.  Sometimes, you just need them.  Wine for the nights when it seems the baby has just nursed endlessly (you can have a glass and still breastfeed, one is fine!) and you're so exhausted and stressed out you think you might lose it.  No one can help you with breastfeeding but you, and that shit is HARD.  Wonderful, but hard.  Coffee.....well, obviously, coffee.  Coffee some mornings (or let's be honest, all day) makes the difference between my being an okay mother and a good mother. 

19 - Some money set aside for unexpected expenses.  Every baby is different, so every baby will have different favorites.  When Claire was born, we only had one Miracle Blanket, but quickly realized that with her wearing them all day long we'd need a few more.  We also needed extra covers for the nursing pillow, different sizes of baby clothes than the ones we had, and I purchased nursing tanks & bras that I didn't want to buy until I knew what size I would need.  

20 - Britax B-Safe Carseat, Base, & Stroller.  This set is really fantastic.  The carseat feels very sturdy, clicks in and out of the base easily, and the stroller can be popped open and closed with one hand.  It steers well with one hand as well, and has a good amount of storage.  We got it for a fantastic price by buying the bundle of all three at Target.  It's not pictured because......I'm not a photoshop wizard and I ran out of room, but seriously, check it out.  

Okay that's it!  I wanted this list to be the end-all, be-all, because these kind of lists made life easier for me once Claire arrived.  I discovered almost nothing on this list myself - they were almost all recommendations from other blogs I read.  Which is why I have to ask - am I missing anything?  What were your essentials for the first month?  She's only 5 weeks old this week, anything I should have on hand for the next few?  

on tiny laundry and chubby cheeks - claire's first month

You know what is suddenly the most exciting thing in the world?  Laundry.  More specifically, baby laundry.  I get more joy out of folding swaddles & burp clothes, and teeny onesies than most people probably get out of dinner at a gourmet restaurant.  Tiny laundry, that is the stuff dreams are made of, I tell you.  That, and these cheeks, which I’m convinced get a little chubbier by the day.  Chubby cheeks may be my most motivating force in breastfeeding this baby. Claire’s cheeks, thighs, and head seem to be the main recipient of all this milk (so, hopefully she’ll be able to wear one of her million headbands within the week.)

But, here’s the problem with chubby cheeks - chubby cheeks mean Claire is growing up, getting older.  There is a special kind of emotion reserved for the awareness that your child is growing up.  It’s the very definition of bittersweet.  I can’t wait for those first smiles, but I also will miss her floppy little newborn body, how malleable she is in my arms when I cuddle with her.  I’ll miss knowing when she’s happy by the sparkle in her eyes, rather than the shape of her mouth (and yes, you can absolutely tell.)  

I almost cried when I took off the "s" on "weeks" in the first photo.  I was just dragging photoshop layers from picture to picture, rather than recreating them individually to save time, and just taking the "s" off of that first photo made me think "she'll never be just one week old again!"  And she won't.  She's four weeks - 1 month old today.  She looks double the size of the baby in that first poorly lit photo, taken on her dad's first day back at work in a frenzy of trying to get dinner made and hoping she'd nap while we ate it with two hands.  She has a distinctively fluffier head of hair, and the size 0-3 onesie we've got her in for all four photos is actually pretty close to fitting her.  You know, I could wax poetic about how I don't want her to grow up for 3 more pages but I'll stop myself here.  

You get back to your Wednesday, and I'll get back to folding these tiny socks.  

awkward & awesome tuesday

Awkward

Claire's insane diaper blowout at Fair St. Louis.  Through the outfit, the blanket, ALL the way onto the carseat.  Also, this was the moment we discovered we only had 4 wipes, because I'm an idiot.  Those 4 wipes were put to goooooooood use.  We covered the carseat with our backup blanket on the drive home, but then had to figure out how to remove the carseat cover once we got there, which was like a whole frustrating mess.  This strap goes where!?

Oh, photos of me at the christening.  I should’ve worn the Spanx, yes, yes i should have.  I keep trying to remind myself "you had a baby four weeks ago, chilllllllll out."  But it's hard.  I miss pants that button.  

My time management skills.  I thought they would improve with experience, but noooooo.  I’ve been trying to give the dogs a bath for…..two hours?  

Awesome

Discovering co-sleeping.  Claire sleeps in her crib in the nursery from roughly 9pm - 5 am, but by then she is thoroughly tired of being alone.  Until this week we had been employing a pretty annoying rocking & bouncing routine to squeeze in another hour, but this weekend we just brought her into bed with us and bam!  She slept until 10!  So we’ve kept it up since then, and life has been a little more restful.  Also, i like to think we're giving her the benefits of independent sleep and the family bed all at once.   I included a little video of her cooing in her sleep.  

(All co-sleeping naysayers may be directed here.)

Claire’s baptism.  She slept the WHOLE TIME!  No crying even  during the water pouring on her head, and the christening gown was as white at the end of mass as it was at the beginning.  

A little shopping and grocery trip with Darrell sans baby on Sunday.  I know it sounds like a little thing, and it was only about 3 hours, but it almost felt like a date.  I even managed to refrain from checking in on her while we were gone, which felt like an accomplishment in and of itself.  

claire's wish list

Since I am currently in wardrobe limbo (I refuse to buy new clothes until I've lost the baby weight, so I'm wearing a hodgepodge of maternity + random stuff that fits) I am having all my shopping fun by looking for things for Claire.  Luckily, I actually have a good reason.  This baby is TINY!  When she was born, we came home to a closet full of clothes that don't fit her yet, so I had good reason to look for some extra-teeny things to put her in until she gets a bit bigger.  

My current favorites: 

1) Carter's swimsuit.  I initially thought a swimsuit for my newborn would be a silly purchase, but now I'm feeling like she kind of needs one!  Our close friends' parents have recently moved to the area, into a house with a gorgeous pool, and as much as Claire loves baths I think she would also really enjoy a quick dip on a hot day!  This one comes with a teeny terry cloth robe for less than $20.  

2) Petit Bateau striped tutu dress.   I have high hopes that this one will go on sale ($88 for a baby dress......a little ridiculous.)  It basically has everything I want in baby clothing.  A little French flair, a lot of girly tulle = perfection.  

3)  Turquoise suede baby moccs.  She may already have a somewhat obnoxious collection of moccasins, but none of them fit her yet!  These come in the teeniest of sizes, and the turquoise is just too sweet.  

4) Dwell Studio hooded towel.  Claire has a real problem with spit up alllllllll in her hair.  So, she gets baths perhaps a bit more frequently than your average newborn.  We only have one hooded baby towel thus far, so I'd love to add a second for when it's in the wash, and this one is just gorgeous.  

5) Gap denim one-piece.  As much as I love girly clothing, for the newborn stage I'm all about one pieces.  She can't wriggle out of them, and there's so little to think about.  Plus, I can dress them up with a fun headband - and if I'm wearing a chambray that day, we can match!  

awkward and awesome tuesday

Awkward:

So I’m just gonna say it; your boobs leaking in public?   The definition of awkward.  And yet incredibly normal.  No one tells you when you’re packing the diaper bag that you need to pack backup outfits for baby AND mama, so here is me telling you: throw an extra black tank dress or something of the like in your diaper bag, and thank me later.  

We had a friend over the other night and I went inside for a moment to put on a wrap cardigan.  When I came out, Darrell asked if I had really just decided to wear a bathrobe!  I was a little offended at the idea that he thought things could be THAT bad.  

Starting the post-baby Weight Watchers regime.  Okay, honestly I love Weight Watchers as a program in general, but being pregnant and eating whatever I wanted to was WAY more fun.  

We are almost out of the huge stash of bagels my parents brought us.  This is more tragic than awkward, really.  I’m not sure how I’ll eat breakfast if I can’t do it with one hand.  

Awesome: 

Claire took a bottle of pumped milk for the first time Sunday!  I had wanted to hold off until three weeks (because of “nipple confusion?”  Someone tell me, is that real?) but she loved it and has still been breastfeeding really well.  I don’t like to be away from her much at all, but it’s obviously a lot more convenient for me to give Darrell the option to at least feed her while I run a few quick errands.  Last week I went to get a spray tan and pick up dinner, and let’s just say the look on both their faces when I returned (after only an hour and a half) was sheer panic.  

My brother-in-law’s girlfriend is moving to St. Louis this week!  It feels like we have more friends and family flocking to the city all the time, and I’m so happy for my brother-in-law to finally have her living here. St. Louis is just the best, only made better by our amazing network of friends - something I have especially come to appreciate in the last few weeks.  There’s nothing like having a friend call and offer to bring you lunch when you realize you’ve fed your baby but not yourself at 1 pm, and your kitchen looks like a barren wasteland.  

On Saturday, we stayed up until midnight - yes, that’s late for us! - and I went to sleep thinking about how miserable it would be when morning came.  But miraculously, minus a few wake ups to eat, Claire let us sleep until 10 am!  Best Sunday morning ever.  

Just saying “screw it” when you’re invited to the pool two weeks after having a baby.  Yes, I could’ve felt better than I did in my one piece, but nothing was nicer than having my feet in that water.  So worth it.  

on how to be supermom (or at least how to fake it)

Hey!  Check me out giving out advice, after only 3 weeks of being a mother!  By which I mean, take this with a grain of salt - I’ve had a kid for all of 21 days so I am no expert, and newborns sleep a lot, but I feel like I’ve worked out a nice little system for keeping myself feeling/looking decent with a baby in the house and wanted to share. Just in case you were finding it difficult, because sometimes it is!  So in case you need to get up and be somewhere tomorrow, baby in tow, here are my so-far foolproof tips for looking like supermom by breakfast time.

1) The night before!  Take advantage of that 5-9 waking hour period where your husband is home to handle that baby.  You know he missed her at work all day anyways, so let him have his time.  Take advantage of the night-before shower (you can just wipe off that overnight spit-up, no one will notice), get all the dishes done RIGHT after dinner is eaten, and tidy up the house so that you won’t feel compelled to do it in the morning.  Heck, even program the coffee maker to have a pot ready around the time the bebe gets you up in the morning.

2) When you do get up in the morning, if the baby is still sleeping then make some headway before she wakes up.  Fix the hair, throw on the makeup (false eyelashes!  instant bright eyes!) and get dressed.  If baby is crying and hungry, feed her and then PUT.  HER.  DOWN!  In a swing if needed.  Then get on with getting yourself ready, because looking your best will make you feel better all day long.  Promise.

3) For breakfast (You, too, have to eat!) make something you can eat with one hand - I’m partial to the bagel, egg, & cheese sandwich because for some reason Claire has come to associate my eating times with her own, and we still haven’t quite mastered hands free breastfeeding.  I also haven’t mastered not getting crumbs on my baby while we both eat, but I’m working on it.

4) If all that fails, and the baby is still fussy by the time you have to be somewhere but you’re still not ready, take advantage of your travel time.  All I know so far about soothing Claire is that movement is key.   Whether you’re walking or driving, take advantage of the travel period by putting baby in a sling, or just having her in the carseat.  Claire is almost instantly quieted by both those things, and they’ll usually initiate a short nap that lets me get done whatever I needed to do at the bank/Target, etc.  Take the makeup bag with you if you have to, and finish the job at your destination.

5) Give yourself a freaking break.  Newborns do not care what you look like, and chances are you have months of your husband just being generally in awe of you for birthing your child, period.  Sometimes, you stay in a nursing tank and underwear all day, and that is completely okay.  

awkward and awesome tuesday

Awkward:

When you pick the baby up off the nursing pillow after a good long feed and some adorable grunting, see a light yellow stain and think “hmmm…..poop or breastmilk……”  Yeah, after that I picked up a second cover for the pillow.

Deciding whether or not to change the baby after a spit up episode.  If you change a baby after every time they spit up….you run out of clothes with a quickness.  If you leave them in clothes with spit up drying on, are you disgusting?  This is a real question.  So far I’ve basically used quantity as a deciding factor, but there was certainly a time or two when it happened in her sleep that I thought “is this worth waking her up?  Really?”

More MESSES!  Random clothing stains.  Darrell and I have gotten to the point where we’ll ask one another what we think a mark is, smell it without a second thought, and then judge whether or not anyone else will notice it.

Claire’s only tantrum so far has been at a meeting for her christening prep.  She literally WAILED the entire 30 minutes, until the family hosting offered to just excuse us early.  I feel as though this may not bode well for her ACTUAL christening…..although she seems to enjoy baths, so who knows!


Awesome:

The little noises Claire makes when we walk her around the neighborhood in the Sakura Bloom sling.  I included a little video just so you could hear the cuteness….

Getting Claire dressed.  I probably have way too much fun picking out her clothes.  If you’re interested in seeing her daily wardrobe (you know you want to!) follow me on Instagram via the link to the right, or just search #claireoliviahayes.

Breastfeeding.  For more reasons than one - I’m not planning on doing too much specific updating on post-pregnancy weight loss, but she was born two weeks ago and I have genuinely felt a little smaller every day.  It’s very encouraging - having a limited wardrobe is definitely one way to make the morning even less pleasant after a night of equally limited sleep.

Taking advantage of long newborn naps.  So far we’ve been able to go out to brunch twice, watch the World Cup game with friends, and hang out at a family friend’s pool all day with the baby.  As long as there’s a cool place to nurse her, I’ve decided that our motto will be “have baby, will travel,” until it isn’t - because sometimes babies just need to be at home, as Claire has proven on a few other outings!  

claire's birth story

I hemmed and hawed about whether to even write this up for the blog for a few reasons.  First, the universal response to my telling this story to anyone who has ever had a child has been “gag me.”  Second, I did not have the same delivery anyone else has ever had (I am the only mother to have ever birthed my daughter) and man, people sure do seem to think that the way they have babies is the right way.  Did you have an epidural?  GREAT.  Did you give birth au natural at home in your bath tub?  SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

So I’d like to preface our story with this: yes, I had a very easy labor and delivery.  If you didn’t, and you think you will just be annoyed by reading about Claire’s birth well then cruise right on by this post!  Baby pictures below!  And I may not have not given birth the way you think is the right way, or maybe I did.  I’m happy for you, and I’m happy for me.

Phew, now that that’s out of the way, here is the story (and a large amount of incredibly unflattering photos) of how Claire Olivia came into the world last week:

On the day of my 38 week doctor’s appointment, it had been 3 days since I had slept.  I went into that appointment looking like a wreck - I cried before, during, and after the appointment, with Darrell doing everything he could to cheer me up.  I think he’d have bought me a pony if he thought it would’ve brought a smile back to my face.  When my doctor offered to induce labor that weekend, under the reasoning that Claire was measuring awfully large (risk factors: she breaks some bones on the way out, I get more um, damaged, than necessary) I went for it,  and we scheduled me in for Sunday the 8th at 8 pm.  

The nice thing about induction is, you know it’s coming.  We left the house with our bags packed to perfection, our house spotlessly clean, and our laundry baskets empty.  We picked up magazines & snacks at Walgreens on our way to the hospital, having been told by our doctor that the entire process could take 24-48 hours - or not even work at all!  Thankfully Orange Is The New Black had come out last weekend, so we had plenty of entertainment queued up.  

We got to the hospital, checked in, met our nurse and she had me hooked me up to a drip of Pitocin by 9 pm.  Apparently you increase it by “twos,” - two whats, I don’t know - and they can ratchet you up every 30 minutes, up to 20.  We usually go to bed around 9, and had pretty much been told that nothing would really happen until the morning, so I was shocked to be in some serious pain about 3 hours later.  Darrell had fallen asleep, and I woke him up MAD - he was then instructed that he wasn’t allowed to fall asleep unless I did.  I was determined to make it as long as I could without an epidural, not because I didn’t plan on getting one (I had basically heard that with Pitocin, YOU GET THE EPIDURAL) but because I knew that epidurals could potentially slow down labor.  By 3 am though (with the pitocin at about a 10) my contractions were extremely close together and incredibly painful.  I was wishing I had involved drugs an hour earlier.  There were tears.  By this point, I was at about 4 cm.  I asked the nurse if I would be a wimp if I went ahead and got some much-needed relief, and she proclaimed that I had actually done pretty well by comparison to some patients.  

Our anesthesiologist showed up about 30 minutes later, and I didn’t even look at the needles.  I honestly wouldn’t have cared what they looked like anyways.  The hardest part of getting the epidural wasn’t the pain of the insertion, it was sitting through another two contractions completely still.  Honestly, getting my IV hurt worse.

After that, I fell asleep.  Yes, you read that right.  I couldn’t feel a thing and I was exhausted.  I woke up at about 7 am to a “pop,” which I was pretty sure was my water breaking.  I was hesitant to even have Darrell call the nurse - surely not much progress had been made, and he was so tired from the night before - but I figured it was probably best to have them verify it was my water, so I woke him up.  A new nurse came in to check it out, and it was indeed my water.  Also, I was at a 10.  

YES you read that right, I had progressed from 4 to 10 cm in my sleep over the course of about 3 1/2 hours.  The nurse had me do a practice push, and proclaimed me an excellent pusher.  Her estimate was that we would have our baby in less than 20 minutes.  

yeah, epidurals work really well.  i was smiling, 5 minutes before pushing.  

Then we were a bit frantic - Darrell literally asked if he could have permission to brush his teeth.  Claire’s amniotic fluid had meconium in it, so there was suddenly an entire NICU team in our room, plus about 5 nurses.  We were only waiting on my doctor to come in early for her call time - she wasn’t even scheduled until 8 am, and of course never assumed I would deliver so quickly!  

My doctor arrived at around 7:20, and I immediately was being instructed on how to push.  I was very focused - it was strange and kind of awesome to be able to push without fear of pain.  I pretty much gave it all I had each time since they had said I wouldn’t have to do it for too long, and she was born at 7:28 after less than 10 minutes and maybe 7 or 8 pushes.  It was incredibly surreal - I was still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that we would get to meet her so soon.  It was fairly painful to even watch them clean her up and clear her airways of meconium - I was desperate to get my hands on her the minute she was born.  Once Darrell had cut the cord and she had been relatively cleaned up and declared healthy, they laid her on my chest and I immediately started crying.  Claire, on the other hand,  immediately stopped - it was very clear, she knew who I was.  Her eyes seemed huge and they focused hard on my face.  I had no idea that she would be so aware that I was her mother.  Seeing her was amazing, realizing this was the person that had been in there all along.  

why do men get to look so good during this whole process?  

We were allowed two hours in the delivery room before we were moved to recovery, and we made the most of them.  Claire nursed almost immediately, and she was/is good at it (I know how fortunate we are.)  We spent those two hours just trying to memorize the moment, googly eyed over how beautiful she is, kissing each other and truthfully, still in complete awe of how lucky our delivery had been.  Darrell only got last week off of work, and we knew there was potential that I could be in the hospital until Thursday.  We ended up checking out on Tuesday morning since we were rooming in with Claire to breastfeed on demand anyways, so there was no reason to stay.  

 So that’s our whole story, the 12 hours that it took to change our entire life.  I’d do them all over again, any day.  I remember looking at Darrell the first time I fed her and just thought to myself that I’d like to jump him right then and there to have another (clearly not an option) but I really felt that way.  That cocktail of new mom hormones really makes you forget the entire pregnancy & delivery, literally 30 minutes after it’s over.  And as I write this she’s laid out flat asleep on my lap post-nursing session, and I intend to let her stay there for a while.  I could probably stand to get dressed, or help Darrell with dinner, or finish vacuuming, but babies don’t keep, you know?